I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
false alarm. still invincible.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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