Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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