I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
