Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
