Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He passed out mid-signature
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
