Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
