why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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