fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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