you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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