Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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