I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
