This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
