I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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