whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
