Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
