i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize