I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize