What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
