I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
