Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
