i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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