he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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