Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
