When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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