Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So squirting runs in the family.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
