Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
