She said her name was "party"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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