it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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