The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
