You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
