I'm so fucking centered right now
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
