Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
