i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
