drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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