it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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