Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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