You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize