i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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