Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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