Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
