if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
