so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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