Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
