i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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