What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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