i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day