I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...