well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?