not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?