I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
