Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
