she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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