the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
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Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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