I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
