just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize