Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
