K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
