God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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