I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
