She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
