Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
