So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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