I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
